Bloody Axe Wound (2024) review – Shudder’s latest bait-and-switch disaster

Welcome to Knockout Horror. Today we are checking out what might be the worst movie of 2024 – Bloody Axe Wound.

The Worst Horror Movie of 2024

If I am being perfectly honest while voicing a fairly controversial opinion that I have, I think that Shudder is responsible for distributing some pretty terrible horror movies. Sure, they occasionally knock it out of the park with titles like In a Violent Nature, Oddity, and Late Night with the Devil. But, generally speaking, the “Shudder Original” tag is not one that inspires any kind of faith in me.

With that being said, Bloody Axe Wound is bad even by Shudder’s standards. Hell, Bloody Axe Wound would be an embarrassment to Tubi. The summary of the movie is… let’s just say, not good.

A high school student wants to take over the family business of murdering kids, slasher-style, to produce films for the family’s VHS tape shop. Along the way, she realises the harsh realities of what she is doing, develops a crush, fights gender stereotypes… yada yada yada. That terrible plot, believe it or not, is not the movie’s big problem. In fact, the opening scenes are, actually, rather promising.

It starts off pretty well

The movie opens with some satirical slasher stuff, portraying characters as if being a slasher villain is a family business, with the intention being to make movies which the family then rent out to people. Kind of like The Munsters but with killers rather than monsters. Our protagonist, Abbie (Sari Arambulo), would be Marilyn… only a far more bloodthirsty Marilyn aiming to prove to her dad that she can be just as effective a killer despite being a girl.

With that being said, Bloody Axe Wound is bad even by Shudder’s standards. Hell, Bloody Axe Wound would be an embarrassment to Tubi.

It’s a great idea, but it’s not particularly well-executed. The humour falls flat, the script is horrifyingly bad, and Abbie isn’t at all likable. There is also a ridiculous amount of background audio hiss that punctuates a terrible sound production job. The film suffers from overly loud music and muted vocals. The scenario makes no sense and isn’t set up in a very coherent way, but this is horror; we’ll let that slide.

As far as meta-takes on the slasher genre go, it is tolerable… just about. If this is what the movie is going to be, I could live with it. Billy Burke is pretty decent as the hideously scarred family patriarch, Roger Bladecut, and I really enjoyed Eddie Leavy as the bumbling Glenn.

This sort of fresh approach to the genre could work and might be worth a few laughs. It isn’t long, however, before Bloody Axe Wound takes off its slasher mask and reveals something even more hideously mutant and disgusting… a drama about love and teen friendship. Mere minutes into taking over the family business, Abbie falls in love with a potential victim. It is all downhill from there.

This movie is simply awful

Bloody Axe Wound transforms from a poorly executed, unfunny satirical take on the slasher genre into a teen movie overly concerned with relationships, pandering to young people, and 80s high school bullshit. If you could take the story of Grease but transform Sandy into the daughter of a slasher villain and Danny into a high school girl who looks far older than her supposed age, you would have Bloody Axe Wound‘s plot.

“This whole movie reeks of a grown-ass man attempting to write as if he is 17. It is pandering, for lack of a better word.”

The next 40 minutes consist of Abbie swooning over this girl while attempting to avoid having to murder her by all means. Aside from that plot point basically reinforcing her dad’s idea that she would be bad at the job, writer and director Matthew John Lawrence attempts to tick every box on the “Gen Z likes this” list in the most unbelievably unauthentic way possible.

Terrible pseudo-90s setting? Check. Ridiculously bad alternative music? Check. Poorly written and insultingly scripted LGBTQ+ characters? Check. Nerdy girl who everyone dislikes? Check. Attempting to make smoking seem cool again? Check. This whole movie reeks of a grown-ass man attempting to write as if he is 17. It is pandering, for lack of a better word.

Bloody Axe Wound has no interest in delivering on its initial promises and turns into something completely different from what was offered. That wouldn’t be such a bad thing if it was done well, but it is so poorly executed in every facet that it becomes almost insulting to the viewer.

Poor acting, scripting, and direction

Acting is horrendous, almost throughout, aside from the aforementioned Billy Burke and Eddie Leavy who both do a decent job.

Sari Arambulo is okay, yet fairly uninspiring. Molly Brown is simply terrible. She gives a cheesy “cool girl” performance that is so horrendously done it leaves your toes curling with embarrassment every time she is on screen. Taylor Seupel has a smaller role but is equally awful. Margot Anderson-Song has such a poorly written character that I almost felt sorry for her having to speak her lines. She feels like she is ripped right out of a Diary of a Wimpy Kid movie.

“She gives a cheesy ‘cool girl’ performance that is so horrendously done it leaves your toes curling with embarrassment every time she is on screen.”

The script is laughably bad. Is it about time we have a conversation regarding how poor the writing is in horror as a whole? The sheer fact that somebody wrote these lines and expected people to read them out loud is insane.

Pacing is an enormous problem. The first 15 minutes are okay, but they set you up for something the movie never delivers on. By the 30-minute mark, I felt as though I had been watching for over an hour. That’s how much the “friendship is good” drama bullshit drags on for.

The humour is pretty awful. Again, the script is so bad that expecting laughs would be a bit ridiculous. But moments of actual comedy are so random and poorly placed that it gives you something of a whiplash effect.

The horror evaporates early. There is some small effort to bring the whole slasher movie stuff back in later on, but it’s tropey and dull. You will likely have mentally drifted off so much by that point that it won’t matter in the slightest. There is absolutely zero to praise or recommend here.

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Horror is a genre that thrives thanks to indie film makers and low budget creators. At Knockout Horror, we firmly believe that every movie that we review deserves a fair fight. That's why we grade on a curve. Our star ratings are all about context, judging a film on what it achieves with the resources it has.

A 4-star rating for a scrappy indie horror made for $10,000 is a testament to its ingenuity and raw power. A 4-star rating for a $100 million blockbuster means it delivered on its epic promises. We don't compare them side-by-side; we celebrate success in every weight class, from the back-alley brawler to the heavyweight champion. Please keep this in mind when considering star ratings.

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