Welcome to Knockout Horror and to another horror movie review. After covering a bunch of classic movies to end 2022, we have been catching up on a few recent releases. For today’s review, we will be taking a look at a brand new release for 2023. The horribly titled There’s Something Wrong With The Children.
Directed by Roxanne Benjamin who you may know for the Siren segment in Anthology horror movie Southbound. There’s Something Wrong With the Children follows four obnoxious millennials spending time together in a pair of holiday cabins. After a visit to a former military location steeped in mystery, their kids suddenly develop strange and violent behaviour. Causing the friends to splinter and turn on each other.
So what’s the deal with the kids? What exactly is wrong with them? Have they been listening to too much Marilyn Manson? Is it down to countless hours spent playing Grand Theft Auto 5? To be honest. When a movie is this bad, who cares? We have explained the, rather silly, ending to this one so if you don’t mind spoilers check out our There’s Something Wrong With The Children Ending Explained article. On with the review.
So Do Blumhouse Vet These Movies?
I always see Blumhouse Productions as something of a mixed bag. Get Out is sensational, M3gan is tons of fun, I, personally, really enjoyed Cam and we loved Happy Death. I am also a fan of some of their lesser known stuff. The Bay, for example, is brilliant. But on the opposite end of the scale, you have absolute dreck like Ouija and Fantasy Island. If we are being perfectly honest, it is obvious that Blumhouse cares much more about making good money than making good films.
Enter stage left, director Roxanne Benjamin. I actually avoided reviewing the last movie I watched of hers, Body at Brighton Rock, as I thought it was pretty bad. Benjamin’s latest effort, There’s Something Wrong With the Children, might be worse.
In a move that is horribly typical of Blumhouse in recent years. Roxanne Benjamin has squatted down and curled out a horror movie turd. Jason Blum has cheerfully come along, scooped it up into a brown paper bag and written his name on it in crayon. As long as it appeals to teens and people who rarely watch horror, Blumhouse will produce it and happily promote it. The annoying thing is. Review sites will fall in line and tell you how great these movies are. Weird!
There’s Something Wrong With This Movie!
This is one of those movies that is difficult to review. There is so much wrong with TSWWTC that it is hard to direct attention to one facet. We should start with the obvious. The story is something that you have seen a million times before. Naturally, the addition of kids adds a little variety but it is by the numbers horror. Two couples spend time together, the kids begin to act strangely, stuff happens, the couples blame it on each other, they become divided. Kids go nuts yada yada yada. It’s reminiscent of The Children and Home Movie. Only with a lot less intrigue, worse acting and no scares.
The couple’s trip consists of hikes into abandoned military installations, sitting around drinking, getting high and, generally, pretending that they don’t have children to look after. We just have a group of embarrassing millennials drinking expensive wine, driving expensive cars, vaping THC and failing to be relatable to anyone who isn’t horribly upper middle class, over 35 and very, very, white. As a white millennial (of a much lower class, unfortunately) myself, I would like to apologise on my generation’s behalf for how this type of horror has become a thing.
It is reminiscent of a soap opera without the drama. They don’t visit interesting places, there is no interpersonal chemistry, the group’s interactions are not comical and there is no suspense. When a journey to one of those aforementioned abandoned places goes wrong. The parents are actually forced to pay attention. The kids begin acting strange and its all downhill from there. As mentioned earlier, it is cookie cutter stuff; entirely predictable from start to finish.
Sooo Very Millennial
This movie features so many of the tropes that have become very commonplace in this generation of horror. The millennial generation, if you will. Horror made by people born in the 80s and early 90s, featuring actors and characters born in the 80s and 90s, that assume everyone enjoys avocado toast and prefers red wine and craft beers to cocktails and spirits. There are all of the typical hot button topics you might expect right here. Mental illness, socialising while parenting, partner swapping and that oh so common issue of gaslighting. Only, it isn’t gaslighting. It’s not gaslighting at all and anyone who thinks it is needs to read into what gaslighting actually is.
I keep seeing people referencing the “clever” use of Gaslighting in this movie. Gaslighting is a methodical, and considered, form of long term domestic abuse. It is the deliberate erosion of one’s confidence and sense of self belief. It is not some kids tricking their parents into thinking someone is crazy. The sooner Gaslighting disappears from the public’s vocabulary the better. The term is used so often it is losing its relevance and an important metaphor for a subtle form of abuse is being watered down. Stupid people are equating it with simple deception and momentary deceit and they are painfully wrong in that equation.
The mental illness aspect is handled poorly, here. I suffer from Bipolar Disorder so it’s a bit frustrating to see depictions of the condition being so lacklustre and, frankly, offensive. Sure, people do treat you like crap if you have the disorder. And, yes, people are less likely to believe you due to the potential psychosis that they assume you must be constantly going through. But the whole idea that a day or two of missed medications will render you a drooling mess is ridiculous and the idea that a sufferer is unable to cope with any kind of stress is farcical.
Just a Really Bad Horror
Pushing all of the above to one side for a minute. There’s Something Wrong With The Children fails at pretty much every aspect of being a horror. It isn’t remotely scary, there isn’t a single solitary second of taught tension, the atmosphere is completely lacking and the interesting, remote, location is wasted. Kids aren’t scary unless it’s the unexpected news that you will be having one within the next 9 months. They rarely make for decent antagonists.
Characters react in completely unbelievable ways and are dumb beyond belief. If they acted with an ounce of common sense, there would be no movie to speak of. On at least two occasions, you will be shocked at how situations play out, much of the movie defies logic. The pay off to the story leads to even more disappointment. When we finally learn what is actually wrong with these little bastards, we are rewarded with, what amounts to, shadow puppetry. I am assuming the budget didn’t stretch to special effects? It’s all made worse by the poorly directed child actors who seem to have been told that this is all a game and not to be taken seriously. It’s very amateur.
On top of all of these issues, most of the cast seems to be completely checked out. I can’t blame them, they must have been bored as hell and more than lacking inspiration when they read the script. Amanda Crew is probably the most capable of the cast. She does a decent job of emoting and seems fairly natural. The biggest problem might be this group’s complete lack of chemistry. Never once did I buy into the possibility that these people were friends. Something that is a huge problem given the theme.
Lacklustre Directing and an Awful Script
Directing is sub-par. Much like Roxanne Benjamin’s previous movie, Body At Brighton Rock, pacing is an issue. A slow, middling, first two thirds speeds up and races to an unsatisfying conclusion. There is a distinct feeling of the director realising they needed to wrap things up. Certain scenes feel woefully redundant and the potential for later scares is squandered so we can spend the first half of the movie smelling the roses.
The script is pretty terrible. From sensitive topics like mental illness that require nuance. To writing for children in a way that they can understand and express, T.J. Cimfel and David White fall completely flat. Both of these writers have collaborated before and have a lacklustre back catalogue which is no surprise. Their apparent absence of opportunities are likely justified. Some of the women’s dialogue comes across particularly awkward. I really wish film-makers would hire women to write for female characters.
Cinematography is unremarkable. This is a fairly bland looking movie but it does the job. Filmed in the lesser used 1.85:1 aspect ratio. The camera can feel a little anxious and jittery. The handheld nature leads to unstable pans and a fairly hyperactive presentation. The sound production is okay. There isn’t an enormous quiet loud disparity. I didn’t have to reach for the remote which is a win in my books.
Should You Watch There’s Something Wrong With The Children?
I don’t think you should waste your time watching There’s Something Wrong With The Children. I took a particular dislike to this movie. Poor presentation of mental illness aside. The cringeworthy focus on topics that many can’t relate to, lacklustre acting, terrible script and woeful pacing make this one a chore. Throw in a complete lack of scares and a laughable antagonist and I really can’t find anything to recommend.
