Welcome to Knockout Horror. Today we are going to be checking out a thriller movie with a very compelling premise – Cellar Door. Yes, I know, it’s a thriller, not a horror, but I have, pretty much, settled in to the acceptance that we cover both on this site. It just depends on whether the subject sounds interesting.
I’ve just put together a Cellar Door Ending Explained article so if you need answers to this rather silly movie, click the link but be warned of spoilers.
We just wrapped up our 31 Days of Halloween 2024 feature and it turned out to be a pretty good one. We focused on a theme of “Trying Something New” and so most of the movies consisted of horror I had missed from the recent past. I definitely urge you to go and check it out as you are bound to find something there to enjoy. Today, we are getting back to the regular routine of reviewing movies.
This One Sounded Interesting
Cellar Door has a super interesting premise. A couple, Sera (Jordana Brewster) and John (Scott Speedman), have recently suffered a tragedy. After exhausting their savings paying for fertility treatment, Sera suffers a miscarriage. Wanting a completely fresh start, the pair begin looking for a new house. After a meeting is arranged between them and a well connected man called Emmett (Laurence Fishburne). The pair are gifted the home of their dreams. There is only one catch, they must never unlock the cellar door.
Pretty intriguing, right? The couple are given a kick ass home in the middle of an affluent neighbourhood completely free. All they have to do is stay the hell out of the cellar. Now, naturally, this is going to raise a few questions. What the hell is down there? Is the original owner still chilling out in the cellar and doesn’t want them to know? Do they have a massive Japanese Knotweed problem or is the place just horribly damp? Who knows. The fact of the matter is, its a simple rule but you know how it goes with horror movies and thrillers. The more simple the rule, the more likely it will be broken.
A Wasted Idea
The problem with good ideas is that they need follow through. They need a story building around them, a reason to care, something to invest in. The problem with Cellar Door is that is has none of these things. Cellar Door acts as much more of an allegory for the human condition than an actual interesting plot device with a satisfying pay off and a big reveal. This is one of those films with a metaphorical meaning rather than a physical one.
At its heart, Cellar Door is a fairly simple crime mystery movie that focuses on a boring love triangle and little else. It might as well be called “The Electricity Bill” or “The Food Shopping List” for how little the cellar door concept factors into anything. It’s a weak hook to drag people in before giving them the ol’ bait and switch and hitting them with a very formulaic thriller. Nothing new, nothing surprising, and very little to recommend.
Bland and Boring
Sure, there is a slightly interesting mystery at the heart of the movie. Fans of thrillers, with a very high tolerance for blandness, may find something to enjoy. But I find it hard to believe that most viewers won’t be left wanting. Characters aren’t all that interesting, there is very little in the way of action or excitement, the majority of the movie plays out like a domestic drama and the ending is incredibly predictable and unsatisfying.
It is worth noting how cheesy it feels when said ending starts to come together and characters announce big revelations, complete with flashbacks, as if the viewer didn’t get it already. Cellar Door really goes out of its way to subvert viewer expectations but it is hideously obvious throughout. It plays out with a Hitchcock-esque panning shot and musical piece that screams “We got you, didn’t we?”, too, that really made me chuckle.
It’s just plain, milquetoast, “Lifetime television movie” style stuff. Fine for a Wednesday afternoon but not exactly a decent option for a night of thrills, spills, and action. It doesn’t help that the whole affair feels a bit cheap. There’s a distinct sense of having to root through the bargain bin for both the cast and the general camera work and set design. The script isn’t great, the direction is fairly average and even the makeup work is pretty shoddy.
Weird Casting Choices
What makes this movie worse is some of the strange casting and scripting decisions. Our couple, here, waved goodbye to their thirties a good few years ago. It makes sense why they would be struggling with fertility because that type of thing doesn’t wait around forever. But they are presented here as if they are a pair of 20-somethings who just happened to get unlucky.
Everyone keeps referring to them as a young couple and remarking on how they have “their whole long lives ahead”. It’s pretty strange. I have been on the other side of 30 for awhile and the only time I can imagine myself being referred to as “Young” is if I happened to die suddenly. Sure, I am not as old as these two but it’s a point that bears mention.
Scott Speedman was in his thirties when he starred in The Strangers. That was 16 years ago. It feels ridiculous. Neither actors stand out, either. They both put on rather cheesy performances worthy of a middle of the afternoon thriller. Could they not have hired a couple of younger actors for this particular role? Laurence Fishburne has a fleeting appearance but is an absolute treat, as always. What a fantastic actor.
Should You Watch The Cellar Door?
If you are going into this movie because of the intriguing premise, back away while you still can. This is the most vanilla, middle of the road, thriller movie ever and the premise is a lie. Not to spoil things but Cellar Door is a metaphor and little else. Outside of that, this is as bland as they come. Not inherently bad but very difficult to recommend.