This Never Happened (2024) Movie Review - Tubi Returns to Form... Unfortunately
Welcome to Knockout Horror and to our review of Tubi Original horror movie This Never Happened from 2024. I am putting this review together, today, with a sincere feeling of relief. Guess Who and Lowlifes had me seriously thinking that Tubi had finally found the secret ingredient for producing legitimately decent horror movies.
I, honestly, didn’t know what to think. The world has changed so much in the past few years. How was I going to cope living without the knowledge that the one great constant in my life, Tubi Original horror movies sucking ass, was no longer constant? Well, I didn’t need to worry as This Never Happened is here to reassure me that Tubi still knows how to ruin a horror movie. Let’s take a look.
Formulaic Paranormal Horror
This Never Happened follows the story of Emily (María José De La Cruz), a young woman heading to her boyfriend’s (Javier Dulzaides) childhood home for a funeral. While there, she meets a bunch of her boyfriend’s friends as well as his mother. Upon learning that the house he grew up in has now been sold. Emily suggests the group spend the night partying at the house for old time’s sake. Little do they realise that a vengeful spirit will soon make its presence felt.
Before I talk about the movie, I should probably point out how well loved this movie is by reviewers on IMDB. In fact, everyone that has reviewed it has given it either 10/10 or 9/10. Hmm, seems a little at odds with the quality of the movie and the user score of 4.9/10, doesn’t it? Bit strange that none of these accounts have ever reviewed anything else. I guess This Never Happened is just so amazing that it inspired them to share their opinion.
Obviously this is complete and utter shit. These reviews are, almost certainly, completely fake. This Never Happened is about as formulaic and dull of a paranormal horror as you could possibly hope to watch. A group of Millennials hang out together drinking and doing drugs; secrets are, seemingly, hiding under the surface; a terrible looking, vengeful, spirit appears; some stuff happens, you yawn and regret watching; the end.
Generic, Yawn Inducing and Not Scary
Everything that takes place is utterly predictable. Your horror movie Spidey senses will be tingling from the get go. Likely guiding you immediately towards a theory on what is happening. A theory that you will, almost definitely, be completely correct on. There are no surprises here. Just generic, seen it all before, boring horror crap.
Characters are obnoxious, scares are terribly set up and the costume design of the spirit is utterly laughable. Ted Campbell digs deep into the box of 2000’s horror tropes and spreads them around liberally. Many of the scenes are extremely awkward, as well. Why the hell does a vengeful spirit need to swim underwater? It seems like that is a plain they should be able to transcend without the limitations of the human physical form. Why does it need to possess people when it can harm them without needing to borrow someone’s body? It is all just very silly and not very well implemented.
Why English?
Another utterly ridiculous thing about This Never Happened is the fact that it is produced in English. These are all Spanish speaking actors. Why not just subtitle it? Some of them appear to have the very most basic of grasps on the English language. It makes certain conversations very hard to follow. Vanesa Burciaga, as Mia, is particularly guilty of this. I don’t think I caught more than 20% of what she said. Why not let these actors perform in Spanish? Subtitled horror always has a little extra gravitas and style anyway.
Acting is okay, given the lousy script. The cast really don’t have a ton to work with here beyond being lazy horror caricatures. We have the overly sexed up bitchy girl. The virtuous main girl, the tarot enjoying spiritual girl. It’s painfully generic. As mentioned above, the use of English impacts performances and feels awkward given the context.
Effects are pretty poor. The design of the vengeful spirit is campy as hell and not in a good way. Some of the death scenes are utterly farcical and the background story supporting the plot is predictable and done to death. Perhaps leaning into the backstory a little would have helped but, again, you have seen it all before so why bother?
Teens at a sleepover may enjoy the movie, I suppose. It’s just a basic ghost horror, not too demanding, perhaps a good entry point into horror. People who enjoy tales of revenge may find something to like. Everyone else is probably going to be left seriously wanting.
Should You Watch This Never Happened?
You shouldn’t watch This Never Happened unless you have a high tolerance for generic ghost stories. The basic revenge themed plot has been done to death and writer, director Ted Campbell brings nothing new to the table. Scares are minimal, effects are poor, the fact that all of the Spanish speaking cast conversate in English is ridiculous and the pacing is glacial. Give this one a miss.
Our Scoring Philosophy: A Fair Fight
Horror is a genre that thrives thanks to indie film makers and low budget creators. At Knockout Horror, we firmly believe that every movie that we review deserves a fair fight. That's why we grade on a curve. Our star ratings are all about context, judging a film on what it achieves with the resources it has.
A 4-star rating for a scrappy indie horror made for $10,000 is a testament to its ingenuity and raw power. A 4-star rating for a $100 million blockbuster means it delivered on its epic promises. We don't compare them side-by-side; we celebrate success in every weight class, from the back-alley brawler to the heavyweight champion. Please keep this in mind when considering star ratings.
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