The Nights Before Christmas (2019) review – A generic holiday slasher that steals from the Best
The Nights Before Christmas: Quick Verdict
The Verdict: A relentlessly generic and uninspired holiday slasher that offers nothing but coal for the viewer. Attempting to mash up festive horror with a low-rent Joker and Harley Quinn dynamic, The Nights Before Christmas suffers from a bloated, dialogue-heavy script, staggeringly dim-witted characters, and a cast that is largely out of its depth. While the makeup work shows a flicker of competence, the film is ultimately a boring, repetitive trudge that feels far longer than its runtime. One to skip unless you are truly desperate for Christmas carnage.
Details: Director: Paul Tanter | Cast: Simon Phillips, Sayla de Goede, Keegan Chambers | Runtime: 1h 43m | Release Date: 2019
Best for: People who think The Silence of the Lambs needed more Santa hats and anyone looking for a “guilty pleasure” bad-movie night.
Worth noting: This is a direct sequel to the 2017 film Once Upon a Time at Christmas, though it brings very little new to the table.
Rating: 1.5/5 Stars
(Boring kills, awful acting, derivative characters)
Welcome to Knockout Horror. It’s Festive Frights season today as we begin over a month of nothing but Christmas-themed horror movie reviews. We are kicking things off by checking out Christmas slasher The Nights Before Christmas.
Highlights
Starting the festive season off rough
We are scraping the bottom of Santa’s sack with the films this month. I mean, we covered most of the Christmas horror movie greats in 2022. There really isn’t that much left to shout about. I don’t think I ever realised just how bad it would get, though.
We are kicking things off with Paul Tanter’s The Nights Before Christmas. Stop me if you have heard this one before, because it is very familiar. A demented serial killer with a sharp sense of humour meets a blonde, pig-tailed woman with her own very special knack for causing mayhem.
The two fall in love and set about killing anybody that steps in their way. No, I am not talking about the Joker and Harley Quinn, I am talking about the antagonists of The Nights Before Christmas.
“Our Mrs Claus twirls her hair, skips around, and does her best impression of everyone’s favourite comic book killer gal. The inspirations are very clear here.”
The inspirations are very clear here, with the only defining difference being the costumes our killers don. Our Santa Claus (Simon Phillips) wisecracks while tormenting every person he encounters, while our Mrs Claus (Sayla de Goede) twirls her hair, skips around, and does her best impression of everyone’s favourite comic book killer gal.
It’s basic stuff, with the movie, predominantly, playing out as a cat-and-mouse chase between the cops and the killers, with Santa aiming to get revenge on some businessmen who did him wrong in the process.
It’s just really bad
This is just another ultra-generic Christmas slasher. This seems to be the go-to sub-genre when directors want to make a festive horror film. The problem is, slashers are pretty awful in general as it is. When you throw in the confines of a holiday-season-focused plot, they tend to get a lot worse. The Nights Before Christmas is no exception.
It is horribly repetitive, entirely predictable, incredibly cheesy, and extremely boring. The kills are, frankly, rather dull, and some of the characters’ reactions beggar belief. This is the dumbest group of people this side of the North Pole.
“The movie actually manages to find itself bogged down by a ton of dialogue… It starts to feel like it is trying to be a festive version of The Silence of the Lambs.”
Seriously, it is pretty egregious. At one point, a cop stands with his gun pointing at one of our antagonists as they brutally murder someone, and said cop doesn’t do a thing to stop it. It is completely and utterly farcical and feels beyond even the typical stupidity that comes with the genre. This type of stuff goes on and on throughout the film.
In something of a surprise, the movie actually manages to find itself bogged down by a ton of dialogue, as well. You would expect quick kills and quick action, but we spend so much time with our FBI agents that it starts to feel like it is trying to be something that it is not—a festive version of The Silence of the Lambs, or something. That’s without mentioning the long, drawn-out monologues that come courtesy of our killers and the tired familial drama that accompanies some of the scenes later in the movie. It’s a real chore to get through.
Acting is pretty terrible
The acting here is extremely low-grade. I would say Sayla de Goede is the worst offender for her terrible Harley Quinn impression, but everyone is pretty awful. Goede’s constant hand movements are something I couldn’t help but relentlessly focus on. She doesn’t stop moving them around; it is horribly annoying. I guess she counts this as acting, or something?
Simon Phillips tries and does okay here and there. His character is just so generic, though. This movie is a follow-up to 2017’s Once Upon a Time at Christmas so, obviously, Phillips has the character down pretty well by this point. Shame the character is just so dull.
“Dull kills, poor acting, a boring plot, way too much dialogue, and a whole ton of predictability make this a really tough recommend.”
Camerawork isn’t terrible, some of the kills are okay, I suppose, and I was quite impressed with some of the makeup work. There are, obviously, no scares and the entire movie is completely predictable from start to finish, so don’t expect too many surprises. This is just a by-the-numbers slasher with literally nothing to write home about outside of the novelty of it being set at Christmas.
Funnily enough, I caught this movie on a Christmas movie channel. You know the type? They tend to show all kinds of Hallmark and Lifetime soppy, sad romances. They are kind of a guilty pleasure of mine at this time of year; I really enjoy laughing at them.
You can imagine my surprise when this movie randomly came on with full-blown blood, guts, boobs, and swearing. I thought I had sat on the remote and ended up on an awful horror movie channel. Still, it ticked a box for this feature and ticked another box in the list of terrible Christmas horror flicks.
The Good, The Bad & The Ugly
The Good
- Makeup Effects: To give credit where it’s due, some of the makeup work and practical gore is reasonably impressive for such a low-budget production.
- Simon Phillips: Phillips clearly understands the character by now and attempts to inject a bit of personality into a very generic role.
The Bad
- Terrible Acting: The performances are extremely low-grade, particularly the grating Harley Quinn impression that persists throughout the film.
- Boring Pacing: For a slasher, there is a staggering amount of tedious dialogue and monologuing that makes the film feel like a real chore.
- Dumb Characters: The logic on display is farcical, even for a slasher movie, with characters making decisions that truly beggar belief.
The Ugly: The Repetition. By the third time we sit through a drawn-out monologue from our Santa-clad killer, any sense of tension has completely evaporated.
Should You Watch The Nights Before Christmas?
Only if you have an incredibly high tolerance for mediocre holiday horror. It’s a 1.5-star trudge that fails to offer any surprises or genuine scares. You’re better off watching the Hallmark romances on the same channel.
Our Scoring Philosophy: A Fair Fight
Horror is a genre that thrives thanks to indie film makers and low budget creators. At Knockout Horror, we firmly believe that every movie that we review deserves a fair fight. That's why we grade on a curve. Our star ratings are all about context, judging a film on what it achieves with the resources it has.
A 4-star rating for a scrappy indie horror made for $10,000 is a testament to its ingenuity and raw power. A 4-star rating for a $100 million blockbuster means it delivered on its epic promises. We don't compare them side-by-side; we celebrate success in every weight class, from the back-alley brawler to the heavyweight champion. Please keep this in mind when considering star ratings.
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