There’s Something Wrong with the Children (2023) Review – A Trope-Heavy Slog
There’s Something Wrong with the Children: Quick Verdict
The Verdict: A fundamentally flawed and derivative entry into the “creepy kid” sub-genre that fails to justify its existence through either scares or storytelling. There’s Something Wrong with the Children suffers from a total lack of chemistry between its adult leads and a script that handles sensitive topics like mental illness with the grace of a sledgehammer. While the forest setting provides an initially eerie backdrop, the direction is far too lacklustre to build any sustainable tension. The horror sequences are often undermined by poor special effects and child performances that feel entirely unconvincing. This 1.5 star effort is a tedious exercise in trope-checking that offers zero innovation and even fewer reasons to invest. It is a predictable slog that squanders its potential, resulting in a movie that is more frustrating than frightening. If you are looking for effective adolescent horror, you would be much better off revisiting the classics this film unsuccessfully attempts to imitate.
Details: Director: Roxanne Benjamin | Cast: Alisha Wainwright, Zach Gilford, Amanda Crew, Carlos Santos | Runtime: 1h 32m | Release Date: 2023
Best for: Viewers who have an incredibly high tolerance for “creepy kid” clichés and those looking for mindless background horror.
Worth noting: The film was released as part of the Blumhouse Television and Epix (now MGM+) partnership, which explains the somewhat polished yet generic “made-for-TV” aesthetic.
Where to Watch: MGM+, Amazon🛒, Vudu
Rating: 1.5/5 Stars
(A tedious and poorly written horror that fails to deliver on its premise, marred by offensive tropes and a complete lack of tension.)
Welcome to Knockout Horror. Today’s review is the horribly titled There’s Something Wrong With The Children (2023).
Table of Contents
There’s something wrong with this movie!
We have explained the, rather silly, ending to this one so if you don’t mind spoilers check out our There’s Something Wrong With The Children Ending Explained article. On with the review.
“The story is ultra familiar. This is very reminiscent of other kid focused horror like The Children and Home Movie. Only with a lot less intrigue, worse acting and no scares.”
The story here is ultra familiar. Two couples spend time together on a weekend vacation in the woods with their children. After a trip to an old military installation, the kids begin to act strangely. Some sordid stuff happens, the couples blame it on each other, they become divided. Kids go nuts yada yada yada. This is very reminiscent of other kid focused horror like The Children and Home Movie. Only with a lot less intrigue, worse acting and no scares.
The story is reminiscent of a soap opera without the drama until the horror hits. The families don’t visit interesting places, there is no interpersonal chemistry, the group’s interactions are not comical, and there is no suspense. When a journey to one of those aforementioned abandoned places goes wrong, the parents are actually forced to pay attention. The kids begin acting strange and its all downhill from there. As mentioned earlier, it is cookie cutter stuff; entirely predictable from start to finish.
It’s ultra familiar stuff and full of tropes
This movie features so many of the tropes that have become very commonplace in this generation of horror. There are all of the typical hot button topics you might expect, here: mental illness, socialising while parenting, partner swapping, getting high, and that oh so common issue of gaslighting. Only, it isn’t gaslighting. It’s not gaslighting at all and anyone who thinks it is needs to read into what gaslighting actually is.
As the kids start running riot on the adults, only one member of the group is actually aware of what is going on. Everyone else is oblivious and refuses to believe their precious little angels could do anything wrong. The one person aware of their sudden turn to the dark side just so happens to have bipolar disorder. This is a recipe for everyone to refuse to believe him and claim he is off his meds. Yay!
The mental illness aspect is handled very poorly, here. I suffer from bipolar disorder so it’s a bit frustrating to see depictions of the condition being so lacklustre and, frankly, offensive. Sure, people do treat you like crap if you have the disorder. And, yes, people are less likely to believe you due to the potential psychosis that they assume you must be constantly going through. But the whole idea that a day or two of missed medications will render you a drooling mess is ridiculous and the idea that a sufferer is unable to cope with any kind of stress is farcical.
“The mental illness aspect is handled very poorly. I suffer from bipolar disorder so it is a bit frustrating to see depictions of the condition being so lacklustre and, frankly, offensive.”
It’s par for the course with horror, though. That’s the least of this movie’s problems.
Just a really bad horror
Pushing all of the above to one side for a minute, There’s Something Wrong With The Children fails at pretty much every aspect of being a horror. It isn’t remotely scary, there isn’t a single solitary second of taught tension, the atmosphere is completely lacking and the interesting, remote, location is wasted. Kids aren’t scary unless it’s the unexpected news that you will be having one within the next 9 months. They rarely make for decent antagonists.
Characters react in completely unbelievable ways and are dumb beyond belief. If they acted with an ounce of common sense, there would be no movie to speak of. On at least two occasions, you will be shocked at how situations play out; much of the movie defies logic. The pay off to the story leads to even more disappointment.
When we finally learn what is actually wrong with these little bastards, we are rewarded with, what amounts to, shadow puppetry. I am assuming the budget didn’t stretch to special effects? It’s all made worse by the poorly directed child actors who seem to have been told that this is all a game and not to be taken seriously. It’s very amateur.
“When we finally learn what is actually wrong with these little bastards, we are rewarded with, what amounts to, shadow puppetry. It is all made worse by the poorly directed child actors.”
On top of all of these issues, most of the cast seems to be completely checked out. I can’t blame them, they must have been bored as hell and more than lacking inspiration when they read the script. Amanda Crew is probably the most capable of the cast. She does a decent job of emoting and seems fairly natural. The biggest problem might be this group’s complete lack of chemistry. Never once did I buy into the possibility that these people were friends – something that is a huge problem given the theme.
Lacklustre directing and an awful script
Directing is sub-par. Much like Roxanne Benjamin’s previous movie, Body At Brighton Rock, pacing is an issue. A slow, middling, first two thirds speeds up and races to an unsatisfying conclusion. There is a distinct feeling of the director realising they needed to wrap things up. Certain scenes feel woefully redundant and the potential for later scares is squandered so we can spend the first half of the movie smelling the roses.
The script is pretty terrible. From sensitive topics like mental illness that require nuance to writing for children in a way that they can understand and express, T.J. Cimfel and David White fall completely flat. Both of these writers have collaborated before and have a lacklustre back catalogue which is no surprise. Some of the women’s dialogue comes across particularly awkward. I really wish filmmakers would hire women to write for female characters.
Cinematography is unremarkable. This is a fairly bland looking movie but it does the job. Filmed in the lesser used 1.85:1 aspect ratio, the camera can feel a little anxious and jittery. The handheld nature leads to unstable pans and a fairly hyperactive presentation. The sound production is okay. There isn’t an enormous quiet-loud disparity. I didn’t have to reach for the remote which is a win in my books.
The Good, The Bad & The Ugly
The Good
- Amanda Crew: Manages to provide the film’s only naturalistic performance, emoting capably despite the weak material she was given.
- Sound Production: The audio mixing is balanced enough that the dialogue remains clear without the usual quiet-loud disparity found in modern horror.
- Atmospheric Setting: The use of the remote woods and abandoned military ruins offers a fleeting sense of isolation during the first act.
The Bad
- Terrible Script: The dialogue is frequently awkward and unrealistic, especially when attempting to handle complex adult themes or child interactions.
- Poor Pacing: The film meanders through a dull first two thirds before racing toward an unsatisfying and rushed conclusion.
- Misrepresentation of Mental Health: The lazy use of bipolar disorder as a plot device to facilitate “gaslighting” is both unoriginal and offensive.
The Ugly: The Shadow Puppetry. The final reveal of the antagonistic force is so laughably low-budget that it completely destroys any remaining sense of horror.
Should You Watch There’s Something Wrong with the Children?
No. It is a 1.5 star film that represents a significant waste of time. With a complete absence of scares and a narrative that relies on unbelievable character decisions, there is nothing here to recommend. If you want to see children acting creepy, stick to The Children (2008). This one is best left in the woods.
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