All the Creatures Were Stirring (2018) Review – A Lacklustre Festive Anthology

Welcome to Knockout Horror. Today we are reviewing All the Creatures Were Stirring.

Christmas anthology horror

Each of the segments in this festive anthology follows a theme of people trying to get through the Christmas season. You know how it is. Tons of traffic, people expecting you to be happy, relatives wanting to visit, nothing but Christmas stuff on the TV. The whole thing can be a bit of a nightmare. Especially if you are not a fan of the season.

The first segment sees office workers exchanging secret Santa presents with a murderous difference. Segment two sees a man locked outside of his car after doing some Christmas shopping and forced to enlist the help of some fairly suspicious ladies.

“Each of the segments in this festive anthology follows a theme of people trying to get through the Christmas season. The whole thing can be a bit of a nightmare, especially if you are not a fan of the season.”

The third sees a grumpy man being visited by three spirits on Christmas Eve. Segment four features a man being followed by a strange glowing light after hitting a reindeer on the road. And the final segment follows a group of friends sharing a celebration together only for things to turn very bizarre indeed.

A real mixed bag

This is an incredibly uneven movie. I mean, anthology horror always is. By its very nature you are watching a product that can vary wildly and that is, actually, part of the charm of anthologies. The problem with All the Creatures Were Stirring, however, is that only one of the segments is good. The rest are a mix of really bad or average. Again, when it comes to anthology horror, a few average segments isn’t a problem. If a couple of them are really good, you barely notice the bad. When most of them are pretty bad, however, it is a huge issue.

The first segment, The Stockings Were Hung, is decent. It features an office place exchanging secret Santa presents with a twist. I actually quite enjoyed it. Acting was really good and the premise was fun; the gradual worsening of the situation kept me interested. The opening of the presents was a nice novelty that kept you wondering what the group would find next and there was a fair amount of suspense.

“The problem with All the Creatures Were Stirring is that only one of the segments is good. When most of them are pretty bad, it is a huge issue.”

The second segment, Dash Away All, was also pretty decent. It had an interesting setup and you get the hint there is a fun backstory based on the premise. Acting was fine and there were a few chuckles here and there. It doesn’t offer too much on the horror front but I enjoyed the dynamic between the girls in the van and Eric. The rest of the segments just didn’t stand out at all. The stories were uninteresting and they were completely devoid of scares. Combine this with bad special effects and you have the recipe for a very average second half of the movie.

Mostly not very good

The last three segments become gradually worse. The third, All Through the House, is a retelling of A Christmas Carol. The main character manages to be more unlikable than any Scrooge in history. It is filmed in such a way as to look horribly drab and the special effects are terrible. It is absolutely not a horror movie and not remotely scary, it drags on and is simply a boring chore.

The fourth segment, Arose Such a Clatter, might be one of the most pointless I have ever seen in an anthology. Seeing a man followed home by one of Santa’s reindeer, it is a low effort piece of media absolutely not worth your time. The build up is boring, attempts at creating some tension do not pay off and the last few scenes, which I am assuming are supposed to be a bit comical, are simply bad. Luckily it is only 7 minutes long but it is still 7 minutes you won’t get back. You could spend that time doing something infinitely more productive… like scratching your arse.

The fifth segment, In a Twinkling, is potentially the worst out of the bunch. It feels so utterly confused. I am not sure what it was trying to be and I don’t think the people that made it were sure, either. There is something of a Twilight Zone vibe to it. It attempts to create a feeling of the haunting uncanny to unsettle the viewer but it just doesn’t work. Strangely enough, despite being a 20 minute short, it manages to have plot holes. From the very get-go the actions of the first character we see make no sense. Constance Wu tries her best to make this work but it really just doesn’t.

A terrible connecting story

As if the bad segments weren’t enough, the connecting story is absolutely terrible. It sees a man and a woman on an awkward first date. Apparently they decided to go to a community theatre on Christmas Eve. The three on stage actors, basically, perform versions of the stories that we are watching. The guy keeps leaving his date alone as he uses the phone while a random dude stares at her in a sinister manner. It goes absolutely nowhere.

Connecting segments tend to actually have a point and demand a fair investment of attention from the viewer. After all, they act as the backbone of the anthology. There is a feeling of bewilderment when you spend your time watching it only for it to go nowhere. It’s baffling.

It hints at certain things and almost ends up just laughing at the viewer (literally). This connecting story actually acts as something of a microcosm of All the Creatures Were Stirring. It reeks of low effort and cheapness, just like the rest of the movie.

Beyond low budget

There is a feeling of budgeting issues running throughout All the Creatures Were Stirring. A few of the segments are very reminiscent of some of those terrible horror movies that appear on Prime Video. You know the ones? Filmed with a Sony Handycam or something equally unsuitable. Terrible acting, no production values.

“Outside of the first two segments, special effects are woefully bad. Set designs are incredibly bland and unappealing; the movie is extremely boring to look at.”

The third and fourth segments are particularly guilty of this. The movie feels beyond low budget. The connecting story really reinforces this. It is like the makers went for the cheapest possible location they could find. Similarly, a few of the other segments feel as though they were made in the crew’s houses.

Outside of the first two segments, special effects are woefully bad. Really terrible CG is the biggest offender but it isn’t the only one. A cheap filter is placed over part of the last story to make it feel like an old black and white TV show. Instead, it looks like you have simply forced 4:3 aspect ratio and turned down your colour saturation.

Set designs are incredibly bland and unappealing; the movie is extremely boring to look at. On top of that, the segments feel as though they have been made by the same team. It sort of defeats the object of an anthology horror. I would understand if the stories had some connection to each other but they don’t. It just feels like a single director throwing five lumps of shit against a wall and hoping one sticks.

Our Scoring Philosophy: A Fair Fight

Horror is a genre that thrives thanks to indie film makers and low budget creators. At Knockout Horror, we firmly believe that every movie that we review deserves a fair fight. That's why we grade on a curve. Our star ratings are all about context, judging a film on what it achieves with the resources it has.

A 4-star rating for a scrappy indie horror made for $10,000 is a testament to its ingenuity and raw power. A 4-star rating for a $100 million blockbuster means it delivered on its epic promises. We don't compare them side-by-side; we celebrate success in every weight class, from the back-alley brawler to the heavyweight champion. Please keep this in mind when considering star ratings.