Secret Santa (2018) review – A Mean and Dated Christmas Horror-Comedy

Welcome to Knockout Horror. We are bringing you another Christmas-themed horror movie today in the form of Secret Santa from 2018. If you have missed any Christmas movie reviews and are looking for more festive frights, take a look at our Awful Advent category for enough horror to fill every single day of December.

People were hyped for this film… But why?

Secret Santa follows a family meeting up to share Christmas together. After an unexpected arrival, things begin to go south. As feelings are hurt, secrets are revealed, and a whole bunch of blood is shed over the Christmas turkey.

“It’s the dude who directed the fantastic horror classic Jason Goes to Hell… the Friday the 13th movie that managed to be the worst in a series that includes Jason X.”

Reading into this movie a little, Secret Santa actually had a few people a tiny bit hyped. The reason for that? Writer and director Adam Marcus, of course. Wait, you don’t know who that is? Well, it’s the dude who directed the fantastic horror classic Jason Goes to Hell, of course. Yep, the Friday the 13th movie that managed to be the worst in a series that includes Jason X.

How could you not be hyped, right? I can’t say I share in that sentiment. I am all for movies that are “so bad that they are good” but it is hardly something that is going to get me waiting with bated breath for the director’s next project. Jason Goes to Hell is far closer to simply being bad than anything else, and Secret Santa seems to share in that trait.

Sure, we have a fair amount of gore and some fairly creative kills. The first twenty minutes or so of the movie are actually quite promising. Prompting a few laughs and doing a nice job of capturing the Grinchier side of the festive season. Once the early parts of the movie are over with and the chaos starts, things simply go downhill.

It’s utterly desperate to be offensive

One thing is very clear when it comes to Secret Santa. Adam Marcus has set out to offend just about anyone he can with this movie. And I don’t mean with gore and creative kills, I mean with insults and negative character portrayals. The entire cast is completely unlikable with few having a single redeeming quality, making the characters difficult to relate to. But it is the awkward insistence on trying to offend that stands out.

“It’s the kind of humour that you see people complain is a ‘thing of the past thanks to the woke crowd’. Which is all well and good but it simply isn’t funny.”

This movie is homophobic, transphobic, ableist, pretty damn racist, and very keen to body shame. Every group gets it here with the exception being the groups that the writer and director fall into. It’s the kind of humour that you see people complain is a “thing of the past thanks to the woke crowd”. Which is all well and good but it simply isn’t funny. Even if you have a high tolerance for offensive humour, this ain’t it.

To be perfectly honest, it all feels a bit sad. You can see the intended result with the movie enjoying some strong defenders thanks to the very off-kilter humour. But it is very apparent that the intention here is to make people talk about the movie. Controversy creates cash, and all. Secret Santa frequently feels quite mean. Especially when you consider the social position of the writing team, but it also feels a bit desperate, as well. Like this is all the movie has to offer.

It’s simply not a very good film

Outside of the offensive humour, this is a movie that starts a rapid decline early on and doesn’t stop until the last second. Sure, it might prompt a few laughs here and there, but the ridiculous story, bags of plot holes, and staggeringly awful script will likely have you cringing more than anything else.

“It’s hard not to think of your aging uncle who thinks he is absolutely hilarious dragging out his awful jokes… only to be met with rolled eyes and a sigh.”

Marcus tries hard to create a stylish and witty picture but it feels so forced and lacking, it is painfully out of touch with what works in modern horror. Camerawork is terribly cheap, story progression is nonsensical, gore is pretty awful thanks to an overuse of CGI, and the stereotyped characters feel hideously out of date. In fact, the whole movie feels out of date but not in a good way. In a way that suggests an aging movie-making team attempting to appeal to younger people. It’s a bit awkward.

One scene features a character literally vomiting their guts up and you can almost imagine the exact way it was pitched. “We are going to have this chick throwing up… But not just throwing up, like… literally… throwing her guts up… This has never been done before, it will be amazing”. It’s hard not to think of your aging uncle who thinks he is absolutely hilarious dragging out his awful jokes and looking around at everyone expecting uproarious laughter. Only to be met with rolled eyes and a sigh.

Our Scoring Philosophy: A Fair Fight

Horror is a genre that thrives thanks to indie film makers and low budget creators. At Knockout Horror, we firmly believe that every movie that we review deserves a fair fight. That's why we grade on a curve. Our star ratings are all about context, judging a film on what it achieves with the resources it has.

A 4-star rating for a scrappy indie horror made for $10,000 is a testament to its ingenuity and raw power. A 4-star rating for a $100 million blockbuster means it delivered on its epic promises. We don't compare them side-by-side; we celebrate success in every weight class, from the back-alley brawler to the heavyweight champion. Please keep this in mind when considering star ratings.

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