Welcome to Knockout Horror. Today we will be reviewing Tubi Original vampire horror movie Captive from 2023. For those of you who don’t know. For the past few weeks we have been covering low budget horror on Tubi. With people kicking greedy streaming services to the curb, we figured it was time to take a look at what some of the free services have to offer. The only problem is, most of it is pretty awful and today’s movie, Captive, is no exception.

Captive follows a group of 30 something stoners as they break into a mansion to party. Bored with her mundane routine of getting high, watching TV and having sex. Ashley (Scout Taylor-Compton) agrees to join her friends as they spend a weekend in an empty house. While there, they discover a person chained up in the basement but not just any ordinary person, a person with a deep dark secret and a set of hidden fangs.

This is fairly routine stuff for a horror movie. Despite following the rather ridiculous premise of a group of friends breaking into someone’s house while they are away purely so that they can party. Captive plays out much like every other teen horror you have ever seen. People drink, they get high, they discover something spooky and then things get gory. Only, these aren’t teens; these are people in their mid to late thirties which brings me on to my first complaint.

The Premise Feels Awkward

Captive’s premise feels awkward from the very get go. From the first conversation that takes place about getting high and watching TV right through to the way the movie ends. This entire thing feels like a bunch of people who are way too old to be doing the things they are doing acting like a bunch of teens. The cast of Captive should have been way younger, early to mid 20s at the most.

Can we stop with the stoner horror, as well? Practically every movie I have watched, recently, holds out that olive branch, desperately hoping to connect with that specific audience. Horror isn’t really counter culture any more and neither is weed, both are ridiculously mainstream. I would love to see horror writers have to think of different reasons for why people are spending time together other than “getting high”. One dude in this movie whips out a bag of weed on numerous occasions to a chorus of fist bumps and hollering. It’s frat boy stuff with extra lines under the eyes and less hair. Again, cringe.

Just Rather Boring

Aside from all of that, this is just a really boring horror movie. The setup seems, at the least, to offer a few interesting kills and some potentially fun violence but the movie pushes it aside for the majority of its length. Instead choosing to craft a paper thin story about vampiric transformation and love in your mid 30s. It’s all incredibly tame and incredibly unadventurous. Captive takes no risks at all outside of its clearly inappropriately aged cast.

It’s milquetoast horror with a ton of wasted, dead air. Far more keen to show someone cooking breakfast and getting high than actually trying to entertain the viewer. Things do, eventually, explode in a climax of violence and poorly rendered CG blood. As the movie hopelessly attempts to draw the viewer back in with a more high octane final 15 minutes. But by the time that happens, only the most ardent of vampire fans will still be retaining any interest in the movie at all.

Which brings me onto my next point, I really don’t know who this movie is aimed at. It has something of a sleepover horror feel which suggests it may be aimed at teens. But if that is the case, why didn’t you go with a younger cast? People that teens could relate to rather than people that are the age of their parents. I don’t get it. Captive is like the result of a night of disappointing lovemaking between Twilight and the Maroon 5 song “She Will Be Loved”, all while Blade watches on in the background rubbing his nipples. It’s just weird, boring, and strangely disconnected.

A Fairly Middling Cast

The cast here is working under some strange conditions. As I have mentioned repeatedly, they are all playing characters that act much younger than they actually are. Giving everything a distinct feeling of “How do you do, fellow kids?”. This undermines the performances somewhat. It’s weird to see Michael Lovato, receding hairline, heavy crow’s feet and all, pouting repeatedly and acting like a teenager without feeling like something is off.

Scout Taylor-Compton is a highlight as Ashley. Again, she feels like she is too old to be acting the way her character does. Undermining the entire movie’s premise a bit because her issues feel more like a mid-life crisis than a real problem but she does a great job. Taylor-Compton has always been an enthusiastic and confident performer. She’s a bit of a horror mainstay as well so has experience in the genre. It’s always fun to see women kicking ass in horror movies and she definitely fits the part, despite the fact that she is soooo tiny.

Lovato, as Ashley’s boyfriend Luke, pretty much pouts for the entire movie, bringing nothing to the film at all but I suspect that is more down to the writing than anything. Tasie Lawrence, as Crystal, is way too enthusiastic and every other line is delivered like she is talking to preschoolers. She really needs to dial things back a little. Christina Robinson has a brief part and does fine in a bit of a “mean girls” style role. It was nice to see someone age appropriate in the movie. Wonder if she lied about her age to get the part?

Cody Frank is utterly unconvincing as vampire Drake. His small frame, receding hairline and soft, almost nervous, delivery doesn’t support the part of a strong, handsome, vampire at all. He feels awkward and his attempts to seem suave and mysterious actually come across as him looking confused and angry.

Should You Watch Captive?

Captive is one of those weird movies to review. It isn’t overly offensive and isn’t a particularly difficult watch. Hell, it might even fill the role as a sleepover horror or something to throw on when you are stuck for options but it is also a really difficult movie to recommend. The mid-30s cast feels utterly out of place for a group of stoners breaking into a mansion to party.It is extremely boring for much of its length and it is far too willing to resort to scenes of people getting high rather than crafting actual compelling horror cinema. It’s just extremely meh. There are better vampire horrors out there, you really don’t need to resort to this one.