Black Christmas (2019) Review – A Pointless and Poorly Executed Remake

Welcome to Knockout Horror. Today we are reviewing Black Christmas (2019).

Christmas slasher horror disaster

Sophia Takal’s version of Black Christmas is nothing at all like the 1974 version. Searching for a single hint of the taut atmosphere that made the original great is a waste of time. Wishing for any of the original’s palpable tension results in abject disappointment. In fact, the similarities end at the name. Tributes to Bob Clark’s proto-slasher horror classic stretch to the naming of a cat and a few utterly redundant scenes.

“Sophia Takal’s version of Black Christmas is nothing at all like the 1974 version. Searching for a single hint of the taut atmosphere that made the original great is a waste of time.”

I feel so strongly that this movie’s terrible reputation goes far beyond just simple trolling that I wrote an article about it. This movie absolutely did not need to carry the Black Christmas name. In fact, it’s almost a crime that it does. Why does such a beloved movie have to keep being penetrated in every orifice by such enormously awful remakes?

Although it maintains the similar slasher style of the previous movies, the film is set over multiple days and the killings take place over an entire town. The claustrophobic feeling of the original has completely gone. We now have a milquetoast slasher vibe filled with generic locations and a baffling supernatural side-plot. It’s all placed against a backdrop of terrible direction, a hideous script, awful acting, and a remedial interpretation of feminism.

Into the meat grinder

The story is based around a group of one-dimensional characters who are set up like cannon fodder to be dispatched of in quick succession. The movie seeks to elaborate on only one character: Rachel Riley. Rachel is suffering from PTSD due to a sexual assault. It becomes apparent that said assault was perpetrated by DKO “frat bro” Brian.

Desiring revenge, she performs a cabaret-style song accusing Brian of rape in front of the entire fraternity. Feeling somewhat vindicated, she suddenly begins to receive text messages. Women around her start disappearing. Her concerns are brushed off by friends and the police and, naturally, she fears for her life. Cue up the usual slasher shenanigans, rinse and repeat.

It doesn’t seem so bad. This is important subject matter and based on real lived female experience. The problem is, all of this is handled so poorly and with such remedial writing that it’s almost insulting. This is one of those movies that boldly states “this is wrong” before doing the very same thing itself. Women in horror should absolutely be more complex and better developed but why isn’t that the case here? Why are the characters just basic archetypes designed purely to be shoved in the meat grinder?

The troubling topics are treated with a healthy dash of Tumblr-feminism that is both performative and hollow. It’s impossible to take seriously. There was a clear agenda here to replace actually considered writing with quotable social media rhetoric uttered by 19-year-olds with too much time on their hands. It doesn’t speak to or meaningfully address any of the real-world issues faced by women. It’s purely designed to make the seals clap on demand without ever actually inspiring any feeling of poignancy or relevance.

And it’s just bad on top of that…

I’m doing the actual horror elements of the film a disservice here by not addressing them… they are awful. This is a painfully bad film even taken on a surface level. The story is farcical, the supernatural crap is hilariously stupid, it’s a monotonous slog, and there are zero scares. Again, all of the tension of the original is completely gone. Even the fun slasher kills of the 2006 remake are absent.

“This feels like PG horror in the worst possible way. Most PG horror movies at least try to create a tense atmosphere; Black Christmas has no such interest in doing that.”

This feels like PG horror in the worst possible way. Most PG horror movies at least try to create a tense atmosphere; Black Christmas has no such interest in doing that. It’s all brightly lit streets, upper-middle-class suburbia, and open locations. It’s a bland-looking film with almost no opportunity for thrills and scares. On top of that, the ending reads like an action movie fever dream. It’s as if Takal watched Sucker Punch and thought it was based on a true story.

It’s unrealistic and very dismissive of the genuine, terrifying threat men pose to women. Girl power can’t overcome years of testosterone-laced development, supernatural powers, and organised abuse. Why dismiss it with vapid fantasy? How about really leaning into the enormous fight these characters would have to undertake to combat this patriarchal catastrophe? It’s as lacklustre as the rest of the movie and a poor attempt to make up for the weak, cookie-cutter presentation of feminism.

Awful acting

Acting, outside of Imogen Poots as Rachel, is pretty awful. Poots does a good job and really tries to work with the terrible script. The women have a fairly natural rapport with each other. Perhaps they spent a decent amount of time together on set. They had to do something while Takal and Wolfe were writing the script in-between shots.

There is a distinct feeling of overacting, throughout. This is particularly noteworthy with a couple of characters. Aleyse Shannon, as Kris, wants every single drop of the limelight. Someone should have been hired purely to stop her from chewing the scenery. Nathalie Morris, as Fran, is just as bad. She has a permanent fixed grin that makes me think they were lacing the Rice Krispies with cocaine.

Madeline Adams seemed fine as Helena. Her final scenes are so poorly written however, it undermines her performance. Lily Donoghue, as Marty, is okay but is very much a background character. Caleb Eberhardt was unremarkable as Landon.

All of the jock “bros” were embarrassingly bad. Simon Mead, as Nate, has one expression… honestly, one expression. He uses it the entire film, even when Marty is in danger. I would say he is out of his depth but this movie is so bad I think he is only about chest deep.

Unfortunately, someone thought Cary Elwes would be a good casting choice. Can we stop giving this dude work? He was a train wreck in Saw and he is almost as bad here. At least they allow him to use his actual accent because he sure as hell can’t do an American one. Elwes hams it up so much towards the latter parts of the movie that he comes across like a 60s Batman villain.

Direction and scripting are just awful

A lot of the acting problems boil down to poor direction. Takal is out of her depth and lets her cast have carte blanche to portray their characters however they want. I assume this is to lend some authenticity to the relationships but it just doesn’t work. Much of which is thanks to the lack of talent present in said cast.

Takal frequently pushes pointless plot elements to the front of the picture, sacrificing character development and scares. It seems like she was more concerned with appealing to a crowd of young social media feminists, rather than real people who could take something from the movie and value the narrative.

“Takal frequently pushes pointless plot elements to the front, sacrificing character development and scares. She seems more concerned with appealing to a crowd of young social media feminists than crafting a narrative.”

The script, written by Takal and April Wolfe, is pretty terrible. While not quite as bad as Greg Morgan’s script from the 2006 Black Christmas, the characters are so poorly written that Black Christmas feels like a high school drama production.

It’s very basic. Even worse is that the story simply doesn’t support growth. The women here have no depth to their characters. Motivations beyond base-level survival and Tumblr-level feminism rants are not expanded on. It is woefully disappointing.

Our Scoring Philosophy: A Fair Fight

Horror is a genre that thrives thanks to indie film makers and low budget creators. At Knockout Horror, we firmly believe that every movie that we review deserves a fair fight. That's why we grade on a curve. Our star ratings are all about context, judging a film on what it achieves with the resources it has.

A 4-star rating for a scrappy indie horror made for $10,000 is a testament to its ingenuity and raw power. A 4-star rating for a $100 million blockbuster means it delivered on its epic promises. We don't compare them side-by-side; we celebrate success in every weight class, from the back-alley brawler to the heavyweight champion. Please keep this in mind when considering star ratings.

Support the Site Knockout Horror is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program. Basically, if you click a link to rent or buy a movie, we may earn a tiny commission at no extra cost to you. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. This helps keep the lights on and the nightmares coming. Don't worry, we will never recommend a movie purely to generate clicks. If it's bad, we will tell you.

Disclaimer: Images, posters, and video stills used in this review are the property of their respective copyright holders. They are included here for the purposes of commentary, criticism, and review under fair use. Knockout Horror makes no claim of ownership and encourages readers to support the official release of all films discussed.